the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
