Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
