So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
