apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
