i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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