Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
