It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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