Your tits are I can't wait for
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
