I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
