how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You work out of a Hotel?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
