sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
