so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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