WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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