wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
