You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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