I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
