Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
