Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
