how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
