just tell him i said nine months
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
