God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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