OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
