I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she woke up with a sticky ear
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
