I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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