i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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