Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
