She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
