Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
