How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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