Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
