Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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