theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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