I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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