I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
