And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
