Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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