2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
