No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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