Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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