I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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