the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
