I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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