i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
