Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
