Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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