Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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