put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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