You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
