I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
