she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
